The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
