I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
