God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Maybe he injected his testicle?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
