And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
