i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
