I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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