I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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