Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
