Pappa wants mamma naked
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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