I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
