Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
