He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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