I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
