and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
