WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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