that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He? As in you personified your dick?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Come on in and take your pants off
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