Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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