I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
