Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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