Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
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I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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