If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
