i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
