It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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