imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
