nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He? As in you personified your dick?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
