Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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