My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
