that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Pants are for mortals
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