During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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