dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
