you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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