I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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