you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
So vagazzling was a success
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
