It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
