As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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