Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
