Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
my being single is dangerous.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
