I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
