ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
