zippers are such a cool invention
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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