You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
