happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
3pm strippers are depressing
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
