just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
