my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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