scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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