Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
