We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
