My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
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my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
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I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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