Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
