So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
