I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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