just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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