I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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