she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
