So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
