I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
