1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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