oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize