PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
