true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
what day is it and did you see me today?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Why can't burritos get me drunk
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
