so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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