Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
