a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
