So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
