areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
We talked him into tasing himself.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Help. Why am I so naked?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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