I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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