We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
