someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
