even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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