I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
