i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
