Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
