bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
try to milk me bitch
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
