just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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