well I can't set my house on fire every night
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Randomize
