Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I need water and some morals
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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